You know that feeling when lots of people like your Instagram post, or the person whose opinion you value finally pays you a compliment, or you go out on a limb, try something new, and everyone responds positively? It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted, especially when we show our vulnerable selves, so it’s no wonder we feel warm and fuzzy when it happens. However, the problem lies when it becomes one of the main ways in which you define your self worth.
I recently had an “a-ha” moment about the roles validation and vulnerability play in my creative process last week when I checked my Class Pass reviews. For those of you who don’t know, Class Pass is an app that allows you to try out lots of different fitness classes all over the city. Regularly checking Class Pass is one of the many ways in which I crave external validation and fan the flames of my ego. Anyways, I was really excited about the class I created last week, devoted entirely to the FEET! I recently traveled for a work event and spent lots of time on my feet in uncomfortable shoes- I was in pain! I felt inspired to create a class to work and release those often overlooked teeny muscles of the feet. It’s no surprise that since this class was a bit more quirky and different from the structured class I normally teach, I was nervous. What was I nervous about? WOULD PEOPLE LIKE IT / ME?!
After the class, I received sweet thank-you’s and compliments left and right. But of course that wasn’t enough. I had to check the unfiltered Class Pass reviews. One lovely student wrote “5 stars: Loved this class! Holly was awesome and the focus on the feet was perfect for heel-wearing holiday season”. YAY! PRAISE! I kept scrolling, “3 stars: Much too slow paced for my taste.” HEAT. ANGER. Me: “He / She has no idea what he / she is talking about. Doesn’t he / she know that yoga is actually more challenging when it’s slow and deep? Of course if you don’t take the time and do the work to build awareness and strength, you’re going to want to rush through the poses.”
Oh my god, you guys. My defenses were HIGH and they were firing left and right. No surprise, I forgot all about the first sweet, thoughtful review.
I guess it’s a good thing that I’m aware of when I’m seeking external validation instead of internal wisdom. The problem is, though, that I’m still having a really hard time turning it off. What’s so crazy, is that review actually reinforced a teaching style that is true to myself. I made a decision a while ago that I wanted to be an instructor that taught long, steady poses to allow students the time to explore their bodies and play with their edges. While fast-paced vinyasa flow classes served me for a long time and were ultimately what got me interested in yoga, I now connect more with slower alignment-focused classes. I have to continuously remind myself that if I am creating from a place of truth and earnestness, some people might not like it. And that needs to be OK. Because if it’s not, then fear and self-hate are slowly going to chip away at me. I think it was my girl Glennon Doyle who said “You have to either be a creator or a lawyer, you can’t be both.” She was getting at the fact that you need to make the choice to create your work OR defend your work. You will literally strip all of the joy out of the process if you try to do both.
As a creator, tuning out the naysayers is literally part of the job description. So, I’m going to take a break from neurotically checking my Class Pass reviews and just focus on creating for now.
They will either like me or not like me. Either way, I’m good :)
-H